BYOC *Bring Your Own Craziness*

Okay - *technically* it's still Friday, for another 28 minutes!

BYOC - we get to know each other better and we get a free blog topic for our fried brains! Join in if you want and ENJOY!




1. What is your favorite genre of movies? (comedy/romance/horror/action)

Romantic comedies -yeah I'm a girl.  Hello.  Can't watch scary movies alone and they bore dearest.  I like thrillers too though, something with a bit of a twist (like Inception - that one was good).

2. What do you order when you eat Chinese food?


Depends on my mood, but as a general rule Chicken Lomein and an egg roll, love the steamed dumplings too but that's a lot of food... and I WILL eat it all if I order it.


3. Okay no one kill me for this one - and don't answer if you don't want to BUT I just saw some preview for Dr. Phil on swingers and I wondered - what's your take on swingers.....for it, against it, do it, would never do it, etc.?


I personally wouldn't do it.  I am a very monogamous person.  When I'm in a relationship with someone I have a hard time with the idea of being with someone else, even if the relationship is going badly.  (Wiring flaw perhaps).  That being said, I have friends that do it - if it floats your boat then hey I'm in no position to judge.


4. Let's go back to a repeat question. Pick one thing you'll do next week that is for your physical/mental health.

Well I finally got back into running this past week, I'd like to keep that up while I'm working this week.  If nothing else I plan to get in some DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) time and get 8 hours of sleep a night.



5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?

(Where did my sandwich go?  Did I eat it all already?  This is why I shouldn't eat and blog simultaniously..)

*ahem*

This Is How It Is - Jack Sh*t - a nice reminder with simple truths.

and all of  my encouraging comments about getting back into the running game.  Thanks guys!

How Far Have You Come?

Every now and then I think it's important to take a look at where you came from.  See how far (or not so far) you've come.  Are you miles along on your journey, light years, or just right down the street from where you started?  Have you gone anywhere at all?

I'm only 15.6 pounds lighter than I was at my heaviest point which was about two years ago.  Only 3.8 pounds lighter than when I started this blog, three years ago.  If that's all you look at, I haven't gone far at all, which is rather depressing.  Let's look a little deeper though.

I'm still wearing my size 16 clothes, and my size 16 wardrobe has expanded over the past three years.  However, my size 16's didn't become 18's or 20's.

I don't call in "fat" to work anymore.  Calling in fat, for those who don't know is when you feign sickness because you can't find anything appropriate to wear to work that fits, or at least doesn't make you feel like Jabba the Hut in Leia's bikini.  This also entails a day of lying in bed crying, falling into a pit of despair and depression, then leaving the house and returning home at your normal time so you can lie to Dearest about calling in to work.

Yes.  I did that.  More than once.

I don't sneak food... as much as I used to.  I won't lie, I still do it now and then.  I know this will most likely be a life long battle for me.

I don't go to the pastry shop and buy two long johns, a custard donut, and two cupcakes and then eat them in one sitting on the couch watching movies while Dearest is out of town.  I also don't eat an entire mixed dozen of Krispy Kreme.  The temptation is still there though.

I've learned to not only eat salads (now and then) but to enjoy them.  In fact I order them in place of a side dish whenever possible.  Maybe one day I'll be able to make a salad the focus of my meal without fear of being hungry again an hour later.

I can make it through my work nights without getting winded.

I can run.  Not only can I run, I can run a mile and a half without stopping.  When I was in school and we had to run a mile for our fitness test I was always at the end of the pack if not the very last.  I would walk the straight parts of the track and lumber through a jog on the turns... and only because the coach made me.

I rely less on hamburger helper, mainly because our income stream has increased, but also because I've learned to cook on my own.

I've learned to love myself the way I am instead of giving in to self-loathing.  Yes I still want to be skinny, I still want a healthier life, but I'm committed to getting there the right way and I'm okay with who I am along the way.

Exercise is still hard for me, but I'm slowly starting to love it.  I love the satisfaction of seeing my miles add up.  I love the outlet it gives me.  I love that I'm starting to realize that instead of sitting on the couch eating mindlessly because I'm bored or lazy that I have the ability to go for a run instead.

So yeah, maybe I haven't lost much weight in the past three years but I have lost a lot of depression, self-loathing, doubt and guilt.  I've also gained.  I've gained confidence, acceptance, and patience.

I want to thank the ones who keep me on track, who encourage and provide inspiration.  Every one of you whether you know it or not inspire me to keep gaining the good stuff and losing bad.

So when you've got a minute ask yourself - how far have you come?

Watch Out Dust Bunnies!

Saturday I laced up my running shoes and tweeted "this two month sabbatical is about to be dust".

What sparked that you ask?  Well that would be standing in my closet looking for something to wear that I didn't make me feel like a stuffed sausage.  Instead of griping and moaning and tearing my closet apart for something to wear I promptly put on my running shorts and t-shirt.

Yes sir.  I did about two miles on Saturday.  I ran for 15 minutes and a little over a mile without stopping.  I was totally satisfied with that.  I had expected some relapse in my progress.

As most of you know, my schedule is a non-schedule especially on my weeks off.  So Monday morning, I was a bit bored and decided to check and see what time sunrise was.  I had about thirty minutes so I went ahead and got dressed and ready.  I loaded up my camel-bak and stuck my head in Dearest' office and said "don't worry if I'm gone for a while, I'm going for a long one".  So a long one for me means anything 4 miles or over.  I'm still a beginner here.  I headed out the door about 6:30 a.m.

Wow.  Talk about crowded.  I typically would hit the park around lunch time or early afternoon (before it got blue blazes hot) and there were never so many people there.  I'm not a terribly social person, especially when I'm wheezing for breath bargaining with myself to keep moving.  The morning crowd is way more social than the afternoon crowd.  Kind of strange.

Anyway, I made my goal for the day.  I ran 25 minutes and 1.64 miles without stopping.  Not too shabby considering two months ago, the last time I ran I was at almost the same level.  After my 25 non stopper I decided to do a bit of walking sprinkled with a few jogs here and there bringing my total to right over three miles when I decided I was done for the morning.  I walked to my car and started unloading my camel-bak when my mom pulled in for her morning walk with her friend.

Well at this point I decided I could probably walk a little more and get to spend some time with my mom.  Holy molies these women walk about as fast as I jog.  No kidding.  So that tacked on another two miles for a grand total of 5.52 for the day.  I felt pretty darn good about that.  Definitely the longest outing I've had so far.  I also had two voicemails from Dearest when I got in the car wanting to know if I was still alive.  Silly man.

As I sit here typing I'll let you know that I'm in my running gear, waiting for the sun to come up.

The Lowdown

Okay so how did I do on my goals this week?  Well let's take a look

1.  Do something for myself every day.  - Almost every day, I even gussied up last night for a "date night" with dearest.  So I feel good about this one.  Except for that one day that I wore a thong to work.. generally bad idea.  The chaffing monster attacked full force.  Ugh.

2.  Cook more often - definite check on this one.  Lettuce wraps, linguine with home made tomato sauce,  bacon & eggs, and pizza casserole.  Whoa.

3. Drink water every day -  I drank water every day with the exception of one.  I won't say it was much water, but I did drink *some*.

4.  RUN - I didn't run on Thursday.  I slept all day during migraine recovery.  I did run Saturday.  I was in my closet trying to find something to wear.  Instead of getting frustrated and moody I put on my running shorts, laced up my shoes and ran.  I felt much better afterwards.  Then we ate cheeseburgers at Chili's.  Hah.  Well it was the only meal that day.

Overall I feel pretty good about this week.  For next week I'm going to keep these goals, work a little harder on them, master these before I move on.  Small steps.

How was your week?

BYOC Friday * Bring Your Own Craziness*

It’s time for BYOC Friday. Get to know your fellow bloggers better AND give your blogging brain a break! Enjoy!


1. Let’s brag a little….what’s the best perk you’ve ever had in your job (current or past)? Any employment counts - even if you’re a stay at home mom – you have perks (and the hardest job ever in my opinion).


When I was younger I worked in a small family owned jewelry store.  It was super laid-back and I miss everything about it except the occasional boredom and the teeny tiny paychecks.  Saturdays were the best.  In the summers we would cook hamburgers and hot dogs on a little charcoal grill out back, pluck our eyebrows and give each other mani-pedis, all while getting paid.  *sigh*
2. Do you ever lie in your blog?

I don't really see the point in it really.  Okay maybe I fudged a number or two, but no I don't think so.  This blog is about me being honest with myself.  Admitting the things that I'm afraid or ashamed to admit so I can get past them and not be in denial anymore.
3. What do you wear to bed?

Well that depends on what is clean :)  In the winter I love love LOVE my victoria's secret ultra soft long sleeve tee.  I SO wish I had a short sleeved one or a tank top one for the summer.  In the summer I either go tank top & undies, or a spaghetti strap night gown.  
4. Where do you go for advice?

It depends on what the advice is on.  Generally Dearest, my mom, dad or brother. Or one of my two besties.   

5. Repeat question. Make someone a superstar without using a blog award. What comment or blog stuck with you the most this week and why?


Mrs. Fatass  - seeing things for the first time  This post speaks to me in so many ways, and brings back so many parts of my life that I've been through, and that I still need to go through.

Grocery Shopping.. Like a Real Person

Okay - so I didn't get my run in today.  I won't lie.  With it being my first day off in the rotation I slept.  Well.  Dearest and I had a "date morning"  which involved "going out to eat" at one of the few establishments open - Sheetz.  Yes.  The gas station.  Then watching a movie on the couch before we decided to go to bed.  We keep odd hours around these parts.

Anyway I slept until 5:30 this evening and decided that since there was absolutely *no* edible food in the refrigerator with the exception of some eggs and mustard that perhaps I should go to the grocery store.

I sat down, looked at the recipes I could make, along with what I had in the cabinets (not much) and made my list, got in the car and was struck with a horrific realization.  "Oh no!  It's 6:30 in the evening!  I don't want to go grocery shopping at 6:30!!"  Well I went anyway.

You see, I normally do my grocery shopping at strange hours too.  Typically I'm in the grocery store around 2:30 a.m.  I'm blessed with having one right down the street that is 24 hours.  I can't get anything from the Deli, and it's a little dark since they cut out the lights in all of the cases, but it works for me.  You see... I don't like people.

Rather, I don't like being around people.  That still sounds bad...  I like my personal space, I like not having to make small talk with strangers, I like not having to fight to get to the eggs.  I like not having to wait in line.  So today, was quite an experience for me.  Thankfully it wasn't as full as I feared, and having gotten enough sleep for once I was able to find the humor in it instead of being aggravated to no end.

I found the children to be the most amusing.  As a side note here, I don't have children.  I have nothing against children, I'm just not ready to have any of my own yet.  I'm also the youngest child of two youngest children.  I've never really been exposed to children younger than me.  So I really don't know what to with them now as an adult.  Anyway - as I walked down an aisle I could hear a young boy one aisle over ... "CHOCOLATE PUDDING!!!  Chocolate pudding!!  CHOCOLATE PUDDING!!!"  The whole time in the store, these two words are all that this child said, and every two seconds.  The next child I walked by was apparently trying to do the same thing only saying "sausage"  or trying to.  It sounded a little more like "shaushages"  Very cute.  Somewhat annoying, but very cute.

I also couldn't help but feel good about my decisions when I got to the check out line.  I noticed the purchases the man in front of me with his two grandchildren (one of which at about 9 years old was already very overweight) was making.   He had two large frozen pizzas, one for each child as they had picked different flavors, a box of push up pops, a box of fudgecicles, a jumbo box of assorted cookies, and two candy bars.  Nothing with any real nutritional value at all.

The couple behind me was the couple that had been in my way the whole time I had been there.  This guy was completely obsessed with counting carbs.  He kept asking his girlfriend "guess how many carbs are in this bag of candy?"  "No - MORE, can you believe it??".  His poor girlfriend just wanted some chocolate.  Their cart had nothing but Atkins type foods.

Here I was, stuck in the middle with my green onions, bean sprouts, fresh veggies, eggs, two mini frozen pizzas and two high test sodas (for dearest).  I felt like I finally had a handle on this balance thing.  Healthy whole foods, with a few small amounts of treat junk food thrown in.

Then you know what I did?  I came home, I chopped up all my veggies, cooked my chicken and made chicken lettuce wraps, one of our favorite meals.... and cinnamon rolls.  :)

No fear, I don't plan on keeping all the cinnamon rolls in the house.  Dearest won't eat sweets so I plan to   make a few surprise visits to friends tomorrow with some cinnamon roll love.

Personal Wellness Profile - Well Duh

Where I work we have an opportunity to participate in a wellness program.  They provide rewards in the form of points that you earn from healthy activities and exercise.  You can then trade in the points for "stuff".  Ink pens, water bottles, bags, chess sets - all kinds of oddly random items.  Every year during your birthday month you fill out a wellness profile, which is then examined and returned to you approximately two months later.  I received my wellness report this week and thought I would share the findings with you, along with some helpful interpretation.

Apparently my overall wellness score - which includes health, nutrition, BMI, stress levels, substance abuse, and general safety is a 49 out of a 100.  I "need improvement".  Well duh.  That's no surprise.

Fitness (exercise):  50
 *special note:  You need to work on your abs.  (*pokes gut*  You don't say?)  You are over your recommended weight if you need help talk to a nutritionist.  

Heart Health:  64
 * special note:  Tell your boyfriend to get off his ass and stop smoking, he's ruining your score with second hand smoke.

Blood Tests:  ?
 * Special note:  Idiot why didn't you have your blood drawn like we told you to?

Nutrition:  20
 *special note: Your current eating habits suck.  "Caution your score went down from last year's 48".  Stop raiding the vending machines for dinner.

Body Composition:  23
 *special note:  Your BMI may kill you.   Soon.

Substance Abuse:  74
 *Special Note:  Again with the smoker boyfriend.  It doesn't matter that you make him smoke outdoors and spit and sputter if smoke flies in your face.

Stress and Coping:  83
  *special note:  You're awesomely cool.  We can say that because we've never experienced your road rage.  Way to go.

Safety:  89
  *Special note:  Make someone else lift those heavy boxes for you and lock up your guns so a visitor doesn't accidentally shoot you when they mistake it for the pepper shaker.

Cancer Risk:  49
  *special note:  We can tell from last year's profile that you lied.  Bad Sooze.

Osteoporosis:  73
  *special note:  Well you're a woman.  You just can't get a perfect score here.  Sorry.

Health Age: 24.6  (Actual age 27)
  *special note:  You could be as young as 21.2 - you should try it.  Eat your breakfast.  It'll happen.

Medical Follow-up

Leading factors to possible death:
1. Cancer
2. Heart Disease
3. Car accident
4. HIV and/or AIDS
5. Suicide/Homicide

Yes I'm well aware that I most likely have at minimum a 95% chance of having some form of cancer in my life.  I've accepted that.  The sooner my doctor accepts it and stops telling me I'm a nut bag hypochondriac my stress score will get even better.

Maybe I'm not as worried about heart disease as I should be.  It's taken a backseat to cancer.

Car accident?  Been there done that.  Thankfully survived with only minor physical scarring.  We won't go into the psychological scarring.  There's a reason I always have a book with me when I'm riding in the car.

HIV and AIDS are two scary things that I like to put in the surreal category.  However I realize that the chances are not so surreal.  Especially since I work in the hospital.  Two doctors were having this coversation on the way in to work today.
 
I find it curious that they lump suicide and homicide into the same group.  Hum. 

Alrighty.  So now we know - I'm going to go get a glass of water and make a mental note that I have two donuts to burn off on my run tomorrow.   Scary as it is - this year's score was an improvement over last year's.