Life Right Now

So today I went to the ATM, grumbling all the way because it was an unexpected stop... and it was raining.  While I proceed to impatiently wait on the machine to spit out my cash, I let out a terrorfied yelp.  The ATM BIT me!  Apparently in my haste I managed to get my fingers a little too close.  I realized quickly that maybe my plans for today weren't supposed to go as planned.  I also realized that I have anger management issues, bad ones.

Sometimes my anger really does concern me.  I'm a bottler.  I shove everything deep inside to deal with later, then it just all spews out over something really insignificant.  Then I feel like dumbass.  I have horrific road rage.  I really am trying to at least substitute with calmer phrases such as: "I hope your socks fall down"  or "I hope you get a really bad wedgie" or "I hope you have a ginormous booger that no one tells you about".  Typically I only think of these later while stewing in my guilt.

I've also felt pretty unbalanced around Dearest lately.  I think a lot of that has to do with his work situation.  I'm used to him being home for a month, then being gone for two weeks, so I get a chance to miss him.  This time he didn't have any work though, and he came home early from his last rotation.  He's been home almost two months.  Almost every day of those two months.  All day.  Playing Xbox.  Not even going to go into that one..

I am grateful to get to spend the time with him, don't get me wrong - but I demand a pretty generous amount of alone time.  Me time.  No one else in the way time.  I haven't seen any of that in a while.  Perhpas that's part of my problem.

I apologize for the lack of rainbows over here lately.  My life really isn't horrible, the weather has just been a bit cloudy.

You need the clouds to appreciate the sun.