Going Somewhere, But Not Fast

Almost two months have gone by and I lost a few pounds, but then gained them back plus some. Now I was even closer to the 200 lb. mark and even more depressed and unmotivated. My company's Christmas party is this weekend and I had nothing to wear, none of my 'party' dresses fit me anymore. I went shopping and found an okay dress that was on sale, but it was a little too tight. I admit, I had to turn it around backwards and bunch it up at my waist to zip it, then inch it back around and up over my boobs. Technically it fit... so I bought it. I thought surely I could just drink extra water over the next week and it would be alright.

Rock Bottom: A Moment of Realization

I've had a weight problem ever since I started third grade. I used to stay with my grandmother after school and she would feed my brother and I, because that's what grandmothers do. Then my mother came home and would cook us dinner, when we had just eaten meal sized snacks two hours before. She recognized the problem and would tell us to eat less, and ask us every day what we had for 'snack'. That's when I started feeling guilty about food. I'd either conveniently forget to tell her everything I ate, or fib about my proportions. As I grew up I became a "sneaker" I'd sneak food when no one was around, or I'd sneak into the kitchen for a snack. If no one saw me eat it... it didn't count.